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How to Talk Proper Texan
1. Aggravated - Describes Everything from Mild Annoyance to Dangerous, Murderous Rage. Usually Pronounced "Agger-vated."
2. All Choked up - Upset, Overcome with Emotions (Other than Aggravation). A Person Is Usually "All Choked Up" When They Are Deeply Moved by Sadness or by the Thoughtfulness of Others.
3. All Worked up - in a State of Aggravation, Arousal of Some Type, Deeply Offended, Agitated.
4. Ball - Usually Means Football.
5. Blinky - Adjective Used to Describe Milk That Has Begun to Sour.
6. Blue Norther - Storm That Comes up as a Giant, Blue-black Cloud of Cold Air Comes over the Warm Gulf Air and "Freezes Us to Death!" Rain and Wind May Accompany the Black Cloud.
7. Catty Whompus - Used to Describe Something That Doesn't Fit Properly or Is out of Line.
8. Clabber Milk - Butter Milk
9. Come Hell or High Water - Determination to Proceed, Regardless of the Problems or Obstacles.
10. Conniptions - To Have Conniptions Is to Get Upset and Raise a Ruckus.
11. Crusty - Tough And/or Bad Tempered Man, Woman or Horse.
12. Dad Blame It, Dad Gum It, Dag Nab it - Allows Expressive Speech Without Swearing.
13. Dinner - Depending on the Dillo, this Can Be the Noontime Meal or the Evening Meal.
14. Fess up - Admit.
15. Fit to Be Tied - Really Upset.
16. Fixins - Food; the Rest of the Meal, Excluding the Main Dish.
17. Fixin' Ta - Getting Ready to Do Something.
18. Frog-strangler - An Extraordinary Amount of Rain.
19. Galoot - An Old Cowboy Term Meaning "Old Rascal." It's Generally Meant Affably.
20. Gully-washer - An Extraordinary Amount of Rain.
21. Hissy Fit - This is a State of Extreme Agitation and Not a Pretty Thing to See.
22. Howdy - How Do You Do?
23. I'll Swan - Used Instead of "I Swear."
24. Larrupin' - A Few Fingers Tastier than Finger-lickin' Good.
25. Lit out - Took Off, Started Out, or Absconded Across Some Terrain.
26. Looker - A Pretty Girl.
27. Maverick - A Loner, an Independent Cuss, Wild. First Used to Describe Cattle Owned by Sam Maverick of Galveston Island. His Cattle Were "Wild-like" and He'd Swim Them Across West Bay and Join up with the Herd Going North. When Cattle Broke from the Herd, the Wranglers Would Say, "That's One of Maverick's."
28. Norther - A Storm; Not as Bad as a Blue Norther.
29. Nu-uh - No.
30. Ole Cuss - An Old Rascal (Or Galoot) Who Is Tough And/or Bad-tempered.
31. Over Yonder - A Directional Phrase Meaning "Over There."
32. Over in Through There, Also: You Go up in Through There. - Directional Phrase; One I'm Told Foreigners (Anybody Except a Texan) Have Trouble Understanding.
33. Place - An Individual's Farm or Ranch.
34. Plug - Common Mutt Horse.
35. Plug-ugly - This Is Definitely Not a Compliment, and Should Not Be Treated as Such.
36. Ridin' High - Doin' Aw'right; Probably a Reference to the Quality of Horse You Are Riding. If You're Poor, You Ride a Burro (Short) or a Plug. If You're Wealthy, You Might Ride a Thoroughbred or Tennessee Walker; Therefore, You're Ridin' High.
37. Shoot - An Expletive (Should Be Used with an Exclamation Point).
38. Sorry - A Particularly Important Texas Adjective Meaning Worthless, No-count, Useless, Bad.
39. Squaddies (Or Is That Quaddies?) - Cowboys. This Was a Common Term in the 19th Century.
40. Supper - Once Again, Depending on the Dillo, this Can Be Either the Noon or the Evening Meal.
41. Sweet Milk - Milk That Tastes Good.
42. T*rd-floater - A Very Heavy Downpour.
43. Tank - Pond
44. Tump - To Spill or Dump
45. Walkin' in Tall Cotton - Doin' Aw'right (See Ridin' High)
46. Whole Nuther Thing - Something Else Entirely
47. Wore out - Fatigued, Exhausted; Also Sometimes Used for "Worn Out" Machinery, Etc.
48. Ya-ont-some - One Word, Meaning "Do You Want Some".
"Out of the Mouths of Texans."
A Group of Descriptive Phrases, Many of Them Similes.
You Don't Want to Hear a Texan Say You're:
Crooked as a Barrel of Snakes
Crooked as a Dog's Hind Leg
Dumb as a Box of Hammers
Tighter than Bark on a Tree
Dumb as a Box of Rocks
Ugly as Homemade Soap
Ugly as Homemade Sin
Older than Two Trees
All Hat and No Cattle
Ugly as a Mud Fence
Like Ugly on an Ape
Dumber than Dirt
(If a Texan Says Any of the Following, It's a Compliment (Honest!)
You're Big Enough to Hunt Bear (Bar) with a Switch. (This Means You're Very Big.)
You'll Do to Run the River With. (This Means You're Reliable.)
You're As Handy as Hip Pockets on a Hog
You're Happy as a Gopher in Soft Dirt.
You're Quick as a Hiccup.
You're Cute as a Possum.
You're Tough as a Boot.
You're Wolverine Mean.
You Just Don't Know What He Might Do.
(This, I'm Told Is the Safest Reputation to Have Around Potentially Violent Fellow Texans.)
Emotional States in the State of Texas:
Look at Somebody/something like a Calf Looks at a New Gate. With Either Confusion or Dismay.
Having a Fit (Or a Hissy Fit) and Stepping in It. (Sounds like a Tantrum of Major Proportions.)
Like a Long-tailed Cat in a Room Full of Rocking Chairs. (Nervous. Very, Very Nervous.)
Like a One-legged Man at a Butt-kicking Contest. (This Would Mean You're Extremely
Frustrated, or Perhaps a little out of Place, or Dumb as a Box of Hammers.)
Somebody Who Looks like they Have Been Rode Hard and Put up Wet is
(A Tired Individual Who Looks Somewhat the Worse for Wear.)
Like a Gnat in a Hail Storm. Evokes Quite a Picture, Doesn't It?
Happy as a Gopher in Soft Dirt.
Other LoneStar Similes:
Like the Dogs Was after Him. (In a Big Hurry.)
Hidden in the Basement like a Crazy Aunt.
He Beat Him like a Rented Mule. (Ouch!)
Blacker than Midnight under a Skillet.
Fine as Frog's Hair.
What's a Texas Saying? Why, It's Something They Say in Texas, a Course! Some of These "Sayings" Might Be Considered Adages, and Some Are Just ... Well, Sayings, I Guess. Judge for Yourself:
"Never Ask a Man If He's from Texas. If He Is, He'll Tell You on His Own.
If He Ain't, No Need to Embarrass Him."
"The Lord Never Closes One Door Without Opening Another One."
"Tend to Your Own Knittin'/rat Killin'." (Mind Your Own Business!)
" You're Good Enough to Make a Rabbit Spit in a Bulldog's Face."
"You Can Always Tell a Texan, but You Can't Tell Him Much."
"Evil Thoughts Are like Chickens--they Come Home to Roost."
"You Done Stopped Preachin' and Gone to Meddlin'."
(You're Sticking Your Nose into My Business, Here, Pal.)
"That's Tellin' Him How the Cow Ate the Cabbage."
"I Want You to Jump When I Say Frog."
"If You've Done It, it Ain't Braggin'."
Now, If You're Gonna Say Things Texans Say,
You've Got to Be Sure to Get the Pronunciation's Right. Here Are a Few Tips:
Rench: the Process of Laving with Water, Possibly to Remove Soap or Shampoo.
You Can Also "Rench Out" Socks, If You've a Mind To.
Warsh: the Process One Engages in Before Renching.
Chester Drawers Is That Piece of Furniture You Put Your Socks In.
Sure'nuff: (One Word). Used as a Superfluous Question in Place of
"Really?" or "Is That Right?" Also Used as an Adverb in Sentences.
Hairyew: a Greeting Used When One Wants to Discern the
Physical and Emotional Wellbeing of His/her Companion..
In Texas, the "G" in the Suffix "Ing" Is Silent.
Thus, "Fixing To" Becomes "Fixin' To."
Nuther Thing Means Another Thing