Never ask a man where he's from. If he's from Texas he'll tell you; if he isn't, you don't want to embarrass him.
I'll never forgive my mother for not having the sense to be in Texas when I was born.
It's been dry so long, we only got a quarter inch of rain durin - Noah's flood.
We were so poor my brother and me had to ride double on our stick horse.
If a trip 'round the world cost a dollar I couldn't get to the Oklahoma line.
There are two kinds of people, Texans, and those who wish they were.
If you're good and say your prayers, when you die you'll go to Texas.
More 'fraid of that than a long tail cat in a room full of rockers.
As bad off as a rubber-nosed woodpecker in a petrified forest.
Ok! I'm not a native Texan. But I got here as soon as I could.
Texas born, Texas bred, when I die, I'll be a Texan Dead!
You can always tell a Texan, but you can't tell him much!
Just because a chicken has wings doesn't mean it can fly.
Anytime you happen to pass my house--I'd appreciate it.
Sure, you can have my gun, but it'll be after the fight.
He could sit on a fence and da birds would feed him.
She's thin as a bar of soap after a hard day's washin.
If you cut your own firewood it'll warm you twice.
Only fools and newcomers predict Texas weather.
You can never be too rich, too thin, or too Texan.
He'd have to stand up to look a ratler in the eye.
That ugly the whole tree must have fell on him.
It's hard to be humble when you're from Texas.
It's so dry my duck doesn't know how to swim.
A worm is the only animal that can't fall down.
He'll squeeze a nickel 'till the buffalo screams.
Tighter than a power line after a blue norther.
I was born tired and since suffered a relapse.
More people than you can shake a stick at.
He's happier than a rooster in a hen house.
He's dumber than a box full of hammers.
It's so dry the trees are bribin' the dogs.
As welcome as a skunk at a lawn party.
We've howdied but we haven't shook.
He got whooped with an ugly stick.
On the 8th day God created Texas.
I'm so broke I can't pay attention.
He'd argue with a wooden Indian.
Faster than a duck on a June bug.
He's meaner than a junkyard dog.
Busy as a one-arm paper hanger.
Confused as a cow on astroturf.
Knee high to a grasshopper.
Lower than a snake's belly.
He's all hat and no cattle.
This ain't my first rodeo.
He cleans up real good.
He invented ugly.